Jane and Jake
by Self-Discovery
Summary: A Jane and Jake pesterlog from M S P A R P . c o m


golgothasTerror [GT] joined chat.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined chat.

GT: Ahoy jane!

GG: Hello Jake!

GG: How've you been?

GT: Splendid thank you!

GT: How is my favorite detective?

GG: Your favorite detective is doing pretty well! Do you have any daring, exciting tales for me today, brave adventurer? :B

GT: As a matter of fact i do! Prepare for the absolutely *enthralling* tale of how one mr jake english finally bested a certain asshole of robotic persuasion!

GT: *aka the story of myself versus brobot!

GG: Sounds exciting! Please, tell me about it!

GT: Well this tale of byzantine proportions comes to us today beginning in the wooded area around my home you see.

GT: I was out and about talking to ar and hunting down treasures you know.

GG: What kind of treasures?

GT: Well treasure of any sorts you know. I am always on the lookout for skulls though. Quite the finds.

GT: But today i was hunting the elusive *crystal skull* which i think must be somewhere in the unexplored parts of the ruins.

GT: So i was on my way there.

GT: When from the underbrush i hear the night on nonexistant sound of my robotic scrumsmate!

GG: Did you get that fancy-named jewel from one of those Indiana Jones movies, Jake?

GT: Hehe not yet but i am certain that i will.

GT: Its only a matter of time jane!

GG: Hoo hoo! Of course it is, what was I thinking?

GT: Righto! :B

GT: Well in any event i pull out my pistols and bid adieu to ar knowing that my full attention will be necessary.

GG: Now please, continue with your suspensful story. I'm dying to hear more. :B

GT: Haha i am i am! I know its quite enrapturing.

GT: And of course he leaps at me and we engage in strife! Barettas firing and mechanical gnashing and hollering and all that jazz.

GT: And my guns run clean out of ammo! So in the heat of the moment i wait for the chance to strike and- CRACK!

GT: I punch him in the chest.

GG: All that jazz? Hoo boy Jake you sure know how to say things in great detail.

GT: Dont i though? *wink*!

GG: Hoo hoo! So then what happened?

GT: Well in summation i heard the crack and wasnt sure what to expect. But i look down and his chest has been forced concave by my fist!

GT: That is to say i dented him!

GT: Badly.

GG: I'm guessing you really gave it to him then. Did you also give him a metallic shiner along with that knuckle sandwich to the chest?

GT: Haha well no. Though if i had another punch in me i would have.

GT: Of course my arm was broken clean in the process and i could barely register my triumph for the pain but alas victory on high! He backed down and i went on back home knowing ive finally bested the man.

GG: Gosh, didn't sound like he put up much of a fight. Victory must've been basically served to you on a silver platter!

GT: Well i do like to think it was sheer skill but yes i must admit he must have been off his game.

GG: Hoo hoo! That was quite the story, got any more you feel like telling me today?

GT: Not as such no.

GT: Hehe sorry to suck all of your time away jane :B

GG: Oh no trouble at all!

GG: I love to hear your stories!

GT: Well thank you madam *bows*.

GT: Anyhow whatve you been up to?

GG: Oh, nothing's really been hogging up my plate at the moment. All I've been doing is baking to pass the time. Or playing a prank or to every now and again. But it's no big surprise. It's just the same old same old.

GT: Well same old same old is good you know!

GT: Especially with cakes involved.

GG: Hoo hoo, I guess your right, cakes are pretty good, and tasty to boot!

GG: Maybe if we actually do meet one day, I'll have the honor of baking you one!

GT: *gasp* That would be marvelous jane.

GG: Oh shush now, don't act so surprised. I'd love to bake you one! And yes, I guess it would be pretty great...

GG: Do you have any requests for the type of cake you want?

GT: Oh gosh.

GT: Hmm.

GT: I dont really know actually!

GT: What are your favorites?

GG: I don't have favorites silly, I love all different kinds! As a Crocker, you must learn to never favor a specific recipe more than the rest.

GT: Oh well how diplomatic of you!

GT: But i really dont know jane. Perhaps something simple?

GG: Hmmm... So, if you aren't set on wanting any specific type of cake, perhaps I should make it a surprise order then? Does that seem fair to you?

GT: Ooh yes it does! I shall take my best gander at what it is and see whether ive got the ability to figure it out!

GG: Very well, but you'll have to be patient. Cakes just don't poof out of thin air. :B Besides, it might be awhile before we meet face to face.

GG: But, I'll be sure to a put rush on your special order, just for you. :B

GT: Agh i realize this. Though ive heardtell from a certain mister strider that he and roxy have been collaborating on a sendificator for humans!

GT: Wouldnt that be *bully*?

GG: I'm sure it would be, I just wish I had one, so I'll be able to send in your order before it gets stale.

GG: Sending it by mail just takes the longest time, and I don't even know where you live.

GT: Haha righto!

GT: Well i dont have an address per se...

GG: No islands I know don't really have an address at all.

GG: Do you even know where your island is?

GT: Well i have attempted to locate myself on a map but i am afraid its uncharted!

GT: Its in the pacific though i know that much.

GT: Maybe two thousand miles from australia?

GT: Not sure.

GG: Hmm... The mystery of the uncharted island! Oh, Jake! I believe this a mystery we now have on our hands! Don't worry, I'll figure it out! I love a good challenge!

GT: Brilliant! Haha i shall leave this in the hands of my most trusted gumshoe! And should she need an islandstuck sidekick i am readily available.

GG: Why of course! You're the most important ingredient to this whole recipe! I need you to solve this mystery!

GT: Shucks! Well id better get out my magnifying glass and deerstalker presently!

gutsyGumshoe's connection timed out. Please don't quit straight away; they could be back.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] joined chat.

GG: Hoo hoo! Okay, first things first. Solving a mystery is like a recipe for a cake, you have to follow all the necessary steps to succeed. Step one, let's collect some evidence about your island home. So tell me Mister English, what kind of trees and vegetation are on your island?

GT: Big green ones!

GT: And vines.

GT: And grass.

GG: ... Jake, you need to be more specific.

GT: Oh and the indigenous fauna happen to be predominantly white with various blood colors.

GT: Herm.

GT: I'm afraid my grandmother was the one with a penchant for flora.

GT: I have pumpkins...

GG: Are they a common sight there, or are they not natural to the landscape?

GT: Well i appearified them but theyve taken their own liking to the land.

GG: Well, even though they take a liking to it, that doesn't mean they're native to the landscape. So, I'll check that of as a no. And since you don't know a whole lot about the island plants, I guess we should just move on to the next question.

GG: What kind of animals inhabit your island?

GT: Well. I have centaurs and fairybulls and crabdads and dragons and the like.

GT: Is that specific enough? There are more.

GG: Fairybulls? Crabdads? Centaurs? But, I thought those types of creatures didn't exsist, and were merely folklore. And dragons? I thought those were extinct! Are you sure?

GT: It is my job to be certain jane! I fight these beasts every day.

GT: There are things such as giant seahorses as well.

GG: ... Really?

GT: Oh yes.

GT: Jane you must think im pulling your leg!

GG: Jake, are you sure these creatures aren't just a figment of your imagination, I'm not trying to be rude, not at all, but don't you think seeing these creatures, and also all in the same place, sound just the tiniest bit farfetched to you? I wouldn't know, I've never been to your island before, and probably never will, so I think it's natural for me to be just a tad bit doubtful.

GT: Oh jane. Unless im quite tetched in the head i think they are *absolutely* real. I am not lying or joshing! Just ask dirk. He mentioned them being part of some global takeover or something.

GG: Global takeover? I'm not following you.

GT: Well admittedly it was a bit hard for me to follow as well. It has to do with an alien invasion in which the big lady as it were is in fact in cahoots with your corporation!

GT: I dont understand it much myself. Ask dirk! Hell vouch for my sanity im quite sure.

GG: You mean, the head of Crocker corp., the queen of baking herself, my great great grandmother, Betty Crocker, is going to be the future dictator of the world? Oh Jake, you're acting as nutty as a nutlog. She's my great GREAT grandmother, she left us long before I was born. Is Dirk claiming she rose from the dead in the near future and is now ruling the world in the fit of health? Even if that was possible, I mean come now! Do you really think this face would be the evil world dominator!

GG: imgres?q=betty+crocker&hl=en&sa=X&qscrl=1&nord=1&rlz=1T4ACAW_enUS359US362&biw=1350&bih=575&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=yG06pMCd163k-M:&imgrefurl= . %3FSourceID%3D438&docid=YPGNfXPrxCdbQM&imgurl= . &w=360&h=400&ei=eokMUPebDeH20gGq2cXrAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=382&vpy=223&dur=1162&hovh=237&hovw=213&tx=85&ty=257&sig=113089815477948836371&page=2&tbnh=122&tbnw=112&start=11&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:10,s:11,i:209

GT: *eye rollll* I dont rightly know jane i just vaguely remember this all. I am not a nutter and for all i know that face could be *anything*.

GG: It's the face of a nice young lady who spreads joy through her delicious baked goods. That's the Crocker family motto. I don't think you're a nutter in general, Jake, I just think you're a nutter for believing that bunch of hooey! You really think someone like me would be related to someone as evil as who you're describing?

GT: Well i dont know jane im not making insinuations about your character. I think youre a lovely young lady and im still not entirely sure how it all works. All i know is that there *are* strange fauna populating my island and whatever way you choose to explain that phenomenom is up to you.

GG: ... I think it'd be best to let this mystery rest for the night. I'm afraid that talking about this will lead to a whole fight over nothing.

GT: I suppose so.

GG: ... Wait, a pancake flipping second... You think I'm lovely?

GT: Eh?

GT: Oh well yes i do.

GG: Thanks J, that's kind of you to say. :B

GT: Well of course jane!

GT: I am oft saddened by the fact that you seem not to think very highly of yourself!

GG: Well, that's because there's not a lot to me. I'm just as plain as regular vanilla cake.

GT: Oh gosh well plain or not vanilla is wonderful. And i do like your idiosyncrasies! Even if perhaps you dont believe a lot of my shenanigans i do so enjoy talking to you :B

GG: Oh Jake. You're making me as red as a tomato. That's really sweet of you to say.

GT: Haha but of course jane!

GG: The feeling's mutual Jake, I like talking to you too.

GT: *loosens collar* Well gosh how nice to hear!

GG: Um, why the loosening of your collar, if you don't mind me asking?

GT: Oh gosh well i just happen to get a bit flustered when faced with complements you know!

GG: Hoo hoo! Well, I guess that's a quality we share. My cheeks are still a little frosted with red, if you know what I'm saying. :B

GT: Haha i think i do! But yes i suppose its not such a bad thing.

GG: I guess you're right. Hmmm, now I'm stumped on what to talk about now! Topics for conversation aren't that easy to come by.

**This pesterlog was done on , a roleplaying website for all Homestuck fans. I was Jane, and the Jake who I just randomly stumbled across (actually I was looking for a Jake, I lied XD) will remain anonymous. I loved how he/she captured the character so well and I just loved this pesterlog, so I decided to post it! Also, I know I haven't posted in awhile, and I'm really sorry about that! This is actually an "I'm sorry for not posting" gift that will maybe tide you over while I get cracking on upcoming projects. I looked at my email today which I haven't checked in a while, and saw at least 20 likes, good reviews, and favoriting of my work. I can't say enough how happy I am for seeing that people actually like my stories! No, really, as soon as I saw this I couldn't stop freaking out about it for about 20 minutes. People have been favoriting and praising my latest SolKan fic, The Blind Prophet and His Beloved Light. I didn't think people would like the ship as much as I did, much less like the story, I thought I was so out of character for Sollux, since I only rp as him as his bi-polar self. But, apparently, people liked it, and even a few people asked for more! I immediatly got excited so now I'm happy to announce I will now be writing SolKan drabbles for the SolKan fans, since OBVIOUSLY this pairing doesn't get ANY attention on this site! Also I got some praise for my other story that features Jane, Jane: Solve Mysteries. I've been asked to write more chapters, so I will and get straight on that! So again, I hope this tides you over until I'm able to publish more stuff! Oh, and one last thing, I played Jane in this pesterlog, and I'm pretty unsure if I do her right, so PLEASE leave comments and reviews about my performance, I really want to see how I'm doing. Once again, thank you for all the favoriting and liking of my stories, you don't know how much that means to me! Also look out for more stuff coming soon!  
**

**-Self Discovery**


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